Women?
by Marie Scott
Summary: Schwarz turn into women...mwahahahaha!


Women

Disclaimer: The usual, I don't own them, I wish I did…I can't believe the Gluhen pictures…THEY'VE RUINED MY BEAUTIFUL BRADLEY!…ok I won't whine.…

Warnings: Stupid immature humor, Brad screaming like a girl, a little old woman getting killed, all that good stuff!

Topic: The guys of Schwartz mysteriously turn into women…how will they cope? 

It was a beautiful day, full of sunshine and fresh dew on the lawn. Red robins sang in the lush green trees outside the Schwarz mansion while, inside, the four members slept soundly on their day off. The paper boy rode by on his bike, tossing a wrapped up newspaper on the porch with a thwack. Suddenly the peaceful silence is interrupted by a loud, almost painful alarm clock.

Brad: (Snort, jerking up with eye lids half closed) Whu? (Snort, hair all messed up with a huge cowlick in front held up by his drool) I'm up I'm up I'm up (throwing the alarm clock across the room)

He gets up slowly and drags himself into the bathroom before relieving himself and staring into the mirror. That morning their was something a little bit different about his appearance. 

Brad: AAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

The sound can be heard for miles around and , down the street, as the paper boy turns around to see what made the awful noise, a double deaker charter bus smashes him to smithereens. 

Elderly woman on side of the road who has no other line in the movie except this one: tisk tisk…damn kids….

Schu: (Jerking awake from a really raunchy dream) Gaaaa!

Farf: (Tied upside down) Death to thee who wakist me up so damist early

Nagi: (Mumble in sleep) Tot…(mumble mumble mumble)

Brad almost faints in his discovery but forces himself to run out of his room and into a long hallway connecting all the other group members rooms.

Brad: I HAVE BOOBS!

Fifteen minutes later the rest of the group is sitting around the table. Each other member has discovered what had happened to them during the night. As Brad silently sobs in his chair, Schu checks himself out in a full length mirror, Farf continuously pokes himself, and Nagi complains that he's only an A cup.

Nagi: I could at least be a B…but Noooo I'm an A…I don't even think I could fill a training bra…(Pout)

Schu: (Grinning) I'm a C!!

Farf: (Poke Poke) I don't like them!! (Poke Poke)

Brad: (Sob sob) 

Schu: (looking away from the mirror) Its not that bad Crawford. We already phoned Kritiker, they said it was a painless mistake and that it should be fixed in a few days.

Brad: (*SOB*) That's not all!

Schu: (Raising eyebrow)

Farf: (Pauses for a minute) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Jumps up and runs out of the room in terror)

Brad: (Watching him through teary eyes) SEE! That retarded albino figured it out before you.

Schu: (Not understanding) I don't….

Nagi: oh myyyy GOD! 

Schu: (Eyes widen) You mean…

Brad: Nods

Schu: (Looks down "there") NOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NOOOO!

Nagi: (White and completely freaked out) I'm a GIRL! 

Somewhere in the background we can hear Farfarello scream and then the bathroom door forced open.

Farf: (Running into the kitchen again, looks around at everyone, before fainting on the floor)

Nagi: (Raises an eyebrow) What's his worry, like he ever did _it_?

Schu: Like _you _ever did it? Do you even know what IT means?

Nagi: (Crinkles face up) I'm not 8, stupid face!

Schu: o.O What did you just call me.

Nagi: (Telepathically picks up a few kitchen knifes and flings them at Schu who successfully dodges each one of them) 

Brad: (Stands up and heads for the bottle of aspirin) This job is going to kill me (In a strained voice) I'm going to die a young, rich, totally handsome guy at the age of 27.

Schu: Ew don't flatter yourself, Crawford. Your not THAT good looking.

Nagi: (Under his breath) I'm the cutest.

Schu: I heard that monkey-boy.

Nagi: (Sticks out tongue) Well I am. Every one loves the little, cute teenager with the difficult heart wrenching past. It gives them something to connect to. Cause they cant connect with a big-ole lame ass who can tell the future, or an insane freak, or some $5 dollar man whore.

Everyone: (Except poor Farfie who's still lying on the cold floor) WHAT?!

Nagi: (Covers his mouth with his hands) Wooops.

Schu: Oh your dead, Naoe. 

Brad: You get his feet….

Nagi: NOOO!!! AHHHHH! (Keeps them away with his powers and escapes to his room)

Brad: I'm going to strangle him in his sleep.

Schu: You can use my pillow.

On the floor, Farfarello starts to move again. He shakes his head hard to clear it out and stands up. 

Farf: (Watches as Brad and Schu walk back into the room) I want some fruit loops!

Brad: (Pout) An I a "lame-ass"? (Starts crying)

Farf: Do we even have any Fruit loops? (Being ignored)

Schu: No…no buddy (Puts his arm around him) Nah, Nagi was just being mean. You're a wonderful man…

Farf: I was watching tv and they have MARSHMELLO Fruit Loops. Isnt that….like….SO COOL! (Still being ignored)

Brad: I HATE NAGI!!! I NEEEEEEED CHOCOLATE!!!!

Brad runs away sobbing. 

Brad: (run) Ow cramp (run) cramp….

Schu: o.O

Nagi: (runs out of room, sobbing his head off)

Farf: Nagi????

Nagi: On Lifetime!! (Sob) The poor woman…she was (Sob) attacked!

Farf: Curse those Made-for TV movies.

Nagi: I need Rocky Road!!! (Sob) 

Farf: I can make you a bowl when I get my Fruit Loops!! (Smiles)

Nagi: BOWL?!?! I MUST EAT IT ALL! (Runs away crying)

Schu: (Still looking at himself in the mirror) I'm BLOATED!

Farf: You look the same to me.

Schu: I HATE YOU! I look so fat! Look at this!!!! (Points to the centimeter of flab on his waist) Ill never be a Victoria Secret's model. My whole future is ruined!!! (Breaks down) I'm so confused!!!

Farf: (Thinking) Well why don't you….umm…binge eat….or…listen to sad music or something….

Schu: (Looks up at him) You just want me to get even FATTER!

Farf: (Zones out) Were are my fruit loops?

Schu: I HATE YOU!!!! (Runs away)

Poor little Farf is all alone in the kitchen by himself. 

Brad: MIDOL!!! (Crawls in in pain) MUST.…HAVE….MIDOL! (Collapses on floor)

Nagi: (Walks in carrying a whole lot of junk food and chocolate) I hate my body…I'm getting a boob job!

Schu: (Sobbing) I'm so fat….WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Farf: (Smiles) This must be that thingie that Geist always compains about….er um…PWS…PMS!!!

Schu: (Grown)

Farf: Well I feel fine..

All eyes look at him with pure white-hot hate.

Farf: Heh.…oh boy….


End file.
